Grey pavement,
fallen leaves,
lights glowing,
rain falling,
stripped innocence.

Empty bottles,
wet shoes,
cars honking,
muffled crying,
feigned lover.

Tousled hair,
bruised knees,
rain falling,
cars honking,
bloodstained air.



The ghost of you lingers to and fro as if waiting for a vessel to escape from; waiting for the right time. Right time? There is never a right time. You should be dead by now, buried under the pages of lost voices and forgotten songs. Attempts to drown you with nonchalance clearly did not work that well, in fact, I think you’ve been struggling to stay afloat again. My mind is boggling, I need to keep you down. You know, I thought I’ve always had this under control, but I guess you’ve become more powerful after all these while. Maybe tonight, just tonight, you will burst out at the seams and screams will echo in my ears again. I pray and pray, and I apologize. Because maybe, just maybe, I have not tried hard enough to trap you under all those flaking, trembling dust.

Will this luscious guilt haunt me? Will I cave in to the chantings of the bygones? Bright lights and deafening bass, they are doing nothing to conceal the murmurs of the heart. The four walls feel more like a never-ending vast ocean with no one, nothing else, but myself. Losing grip? No? Or simply tipsy? No, not at all. Not even close. What is it about places like this that remind me of you? You’re starting to become self-aware, aren’t you? You’re digging through the surface. You’re weeping and whispering ‘don’t leave me’. You’re haunting me. Please stop.

I see the ghosts of others too, once in a while. But you, on the other hand, are becoming a regular. I’d also rather you not frequent my dreams, actually. Because every time you appear in there, the stronger you become. You miss me a lot too, don’t you? What is it about you that is making you so powerful, compared to the others? Loosen your grip, please. I’m in a dilemma. You do know you are just like a forbidden fruit, a cursed spell, right? You know, I cannot entertain you that much. He doesn’t like your kind around me. Some days, I loathe myself for being so weak. Too weak. Why is it so hard to push you away? Is it the banned memory lanes? Is it the scent of euphoria whenever we brush shoulders?

This shame burns me. Burns me to the core. I selfishly wished it will tear you into flames instead. I’m getting tired of fighting, aren’t you? Or maybe, just maybe, it was just me, who had never actually tried hard enough to kick you to the curb.

I feel you more now. How is it that something so thin can make me so hollow inside? Again, you pierced through my chest and punctured my sanity, stealing another part of my soul as you leave. You are losing your patience steadily, now pounding on the door and hurling obscenities. Every sip I take, the louder the pounding rung through. Yet, I cannot stop.

Never have I imagined that I will be terrified by the thought of you. Guilt and the long-gone conscience slap me across my cheeks sharply. Disgusting. I almost hated myself, but I couldn’t, for the self-absorbed filth I am. Rabbling voices crowd me, pushing me forward to throw open that door. Shut up! Stop pressurizing me. My body, however, defies my declaration, floating towards the slight gleam of light through the peephole. What’s the point of this, though? The glow illuminated, then ironically hit me into depths of blackness, along with every drop of my dignity left inside of me.

It’s always too late to regret, isn’t it? What’s the point of letting you in if you are never ever going to stay?


How crazy is it
to miss someone
you never had?

Sweet, sweet nostalgia;
the taste of loss
a morphed reality
they envelop my sanity
Quit bringing me back
to when we had
sand in our shoes,
all reckless and fearless
risking it all
for oneย moment of ecstasy

Remind me again,
why I’m here
writing about you
Thought of turning this into a song
But I lost the melody
before it even started

What am I even waiting for?
I forgot to forget
that this was where we first met
Now I’m wearing this sweater
that you first kissed me in

The tides are calling
I threw your name into the ocean
It rewarded me with silence
Thought I saw your silhouette
tearing through the mist
Then the sun came up
and I woke up
from the dream that never existed.

Hopeless romantic

The passionate breeze
breathed your name
and you spoke mine,
our fingers intertwined
the jovial clouds sang
Bloom my affection
with your occasional humming
of our favorite tunes
I couldn’t help
but crave your presence
even though you were right there

My mind never seemed to question
how after all these years
my heart still beats
for your smile
and the stars that blind me
when you say those words
Maybe we were already connected
way before time existed
because I felt your warmth
run deep in my blood
I traced your jawline,
and marked that instance
into the depths
of my memories;
it’s too easy to get lost
when looking into your eyes

Thank you
for embracing my insanity
and breeding them into
seeds of serenity
Tending my fortitude
with your raging devotion
Your love
taught me how to love
Your touch
melted my thorns,
as all I want to do
is to bloom wild for you
Your voice
turned me into a
hopeless romantic
Let me bleed my heartbeat
into words for you
Allow me to sing
under the vast night sky —
a song that only you can understand